Question of the Day

Where do I see myself in 5 years?

Honestly? I hope in 5 years I'll be on vacation on some tropical island. Sandy beaches. Fruity drinks with ridiculous trinkets hanging off the lip. Flip flops every day. The works. But to be even more honest, I know that I could only be on this perfect vacation because I've worked hard. I've worked 50 weeks a year to earn those 2 weeks of peace and quiet on this quaint little island.

I know nothing comes from nothing, and we live in a meritocracy. I hold onto the belief that we live in a meritocracy, at least. I know I'll have to work diligently, consistently, with perseverance. I'll lose patience sometimes, I'll hate it most times, but that doesn't change my motivation. 

I will toil, sow, struggle, and reap the rewards of that tropical vacation. 

Not a perfect answer. I know that. I should say I want to be a VP of some major company. But since we're still being honest, I'm not that type of person. I'm not a type-A personality, I don't feel comfortable in a position of too much power. I don't want to rule the world or become queen or be a pioneer in any major way. I want to be the person behind the scenes, making a difference in small ways that add up to a big finale. The one in the background that gets a little recognition, but never the flashing lights and fame. 

I'm quiet, I'm easy-going. I don't have the overwhelming ambition or drive to become a CEO. But I have ambition enough to work hard, advance myself slowly with good consistent works and a positive attitude. 

Well. Most days. No one can be happy and go-lucky every single day of their lives. But I can do my best. 

Thought of the day

Sometimes it worries me... do I miss a person, or do I miss the memory of a person who has since changed?

Getting back into the hang of things

Getting back into blogging is strange. Once you get into a habit of things, they become just that. Routine. Comfortable. Honestly I didn't want to blog because I felt like I had to churn something out every day. It got the point where I was blogging every day and it became contrived.

So I stopped. For months. It felt wonderful.

I always intended to go back to blogging, and perhaps I intended to return shortly after a break. But you know how it is... the longer a break continues, it just feels harder to STOP being on a break. And every time I glanced over at Blogger sitting there, staring at me with its odd uneven orange eyes... it got harder and harder to return.

I didn't have much to say for a while, and there were personal things going on. I had other 'priorities,' and I convinced myself that these were 'real-life priorities,' not 'play-time' things. This, I still hold onto. I believe that blogging is a cathartic process, in no one integral to my life or necessary for my survival.

However, I missed it. I miss putting words to a page and seeing them appear. I missed my consciousness splattered in letters.

Then, the other week, several nice things happened all at once that kind of gave me a push. I found a lost sweater that had been missing for months. To be precise, it went missing right after Christmas. It's August. So yes, it has been a long time. My OCD dictates that I cannot let these little things go... I never lose things. Never. I was convinced my kitten took it and pulled it into a secret nest. My mother told me to let it go. My boyfriend tried buying me a replacement sweater. One night, Luna was trying to sneak into my dresser again. Then it occurred to me... what if it was pulled behind, AND UNDER my drawer? Lo and behold, it was there. Luna, in all her sneakiness, was trying to play with it again. Cats are weird... play with a toy non stop for days, then forget it about it for months to rediscover it.

My mom got a new job. Her old job had been weighing her down for the last two years, and she decided it was time. Pretty much after her old partner (they had worked together for nearly 12 years or something like that?) retired, they had been putting her with replacements that didn't really meld with her personality. She works at a preschool, so having a compatible workmate is crucial. So she finally retired from that school, and got a new job. The major perk is that it is fewer hours, and about a 2 minute drive from home.

I finished my last course in my program. It's been 3 years. It was supposed to take 1.5 years. I am over the moon happy, and it is a huge weight off my shoulders. It has been stressful and testing and trying, but I am done!

So all these things kind of motivated me to get back into blogging. About anything I bloody want. I go online job-searching and people want to see blogs about finances and self-improvement and discovery, but honestly... I want to write what I want to write about. I don't blog to get a job. I blog to get things off my mind. Half the time it isn't coherent or well-written, but it's 100% mine and 100% honest.

So here we go again!