Thought of the Day: Losing my Superpowers

"Oh, that stuff never happens to me."

That's one of the most common things I say. Because it was, at one point in time, true.

You get the hiccups? I get the hiccups once every year or two.
Sickness? Like real bed-ridden look-miserable sickness? Once every few years.
I haven't fallen down in my adult life.
I've never had anything in a microwave explode on me.
I haven't burned myself in recent memory.
I have only dropped my phone (my old phone from 4 years ago) once.
I cannot remember the last thing I dropped something and it broke.
I cannot remember losing anything. Once I thought I lost my sweater, but it turned out that my cat had pushed it behind my dresser. I found it months later and rejoiced.
I don't misplace my keys. I seldom leave the house having forgotten something inside.

I fell on a man once, on a bus... this was 6 years ago.

I found it to be my superpower. I don't experience those mind-numbingly boring little life quirks that most people do. I don't even get splinters! Papercuts, I do get. I don't think anyone is immune to that hell.

I've never put clothes in the wash that still have something in a pocket.

Once I dropped my sunglasses in the toilet. So there's that.

But today, I realize I am losing my superpowers. In the same week as my microwave finally dies (after 26 faithful years of service), my iPhone craps out.

To be specific, it still works. But I cannot connect to a network. I can make calls, text, and surf the internet and use apps whilst on Wifi... but if there's no Wifi, I can't connect to the internet.

This is the beginning to my downfall. I can see it now. Next week I'll slip in the rain. The following month maybe I'll step on something and break it. Who knows, maybe I'll even leave my headlights on. Anything is possible now. I'm becoming normal.

Thought of the Day

Doctors who think putting something into someone's eye is easy, are morons.

Specifically, my vet thinks putting ointment into Luna's eye THREE times a day, is easy.

There are a few obstacles that I have encountered.

• She has claws and doesn't mind using them on me
• She has teeth and doesn't mind using them on me
• She has these sad questioning eyes that make me feel like the betrayer of all her trust
• She makes this sad hrrmmmhmmm noises
• The stupid ointment applicator tube is impossible to unscrew with one hand
• The dumb ointment applicator tube squeezes out either too much product, or not enough
• The idiotic ointment comes out in a swirl, as opposed to a line of product that is impossible to apply
• She has claws and doesn't mind using them on me

In addition to these things, I am on my own in trying to hold her down and apply this ghastly stuff. I've gotten some on me, it stinks. I'm sure it stings her, makes her vision blurry, and shakes her faith in humankind. 

No one can help me. I have to somehow wedge her adorable little body between me and the floor, use one hand to force her eye open, and the other to somehow unscrew the tube, keep the tip from getting contaminated (so it can't touch ANYTHING), then squeeze it quickly into her eye before she realizes what's happening, jumps up, bites me, attacks, whatever. 

Three times a day? Yes, Miss Vet, sure. That'll happen. With all the trust I'm breaking, you're lucky I get one full application in there. 

Then I take a look at my poor kitty, see her eye weepy, and fear her eyeball will just explode. So I suck it up. I try my best. I wear my battle wounds with pride. 

Thought of the Day

I am more and more becoming a crazy cat lady.

I have a song that I sing when I'm feeding Luna. It goes: "Yummy yummy yummy in my tummy tummy tummy." This crazy tune continues until she finishes eating and gives me a head-tilt. She knows the score. She isn't the one that's nuts.

I often misplace things (that comes with owning a cat too, right?) and end up asking her, directly, if she's seen said things. I get another adorable head-tile and sometimes a low hrrm-hrrroo.

It's when I am sleeping that I realize I have truly lost it. I sleep in a twin bed next to a wall. Whenever she crawls under the covers with me, I will literally bend over backwards so my 'little baby' is comfortable. She pulls some cirque-du-soliel shit beside me whilst I'm clinging to the edge hoping I won't fall out.

Finally succumbing to the wiles of my adorable kitty, I settle for the corner of my bed. Any child would be scolded. Any normal animal would be chastised then promptly pushed to the floor. Somehow, in my mind, I have concocted stories of how she will resent me should I punish her.

She's only a year old. Sigh.

Thought of the Day

When it's raining and windy out, no umbrella is going to protect you from sideways-rain. Put that shit down so you don't poke out more eyeballs.

Things I've Learned

Sometimes a hug is better than a 'how are you doing, is everything okay?'
And on that note, sometimes silence is golden.

Always finish what you've started.

Talking it out > going to sleep angry.

When you're old and grey, you won't remember the nights you got a really awesome sleep. Go out and enjoy life.

Fish are the most boring pet to own.

Everything living, dies. This is independent of the care you provide.

Print out pictures. Having something tangible to show others is a lot more intimate than clicking through photos on Facebook.

Eat your vegetables.

Fruit is nature's candy.

Even if it's hard, and it's dark, and it's rainy, and everything is better inside your cocoon of warmth, get out of bed in the morning.

Honesty is NOT always the best policy.