Poetry of the Day

Every yawn is a sign.
Every cynical or snide remark is a road map away from here.
Everything is another new tick at my temple.

And I'm so easily bored.
Where's my grand adventure? You said we'd be there by now.
Every sigh brings me closer to an edge, because edges lead somewhere new and new is exciting and exciting is the opposite of this.

Standing on this edge, the bottom is so far away. And what does 'hitting rock bottom' mean, anyway? To us, nothing. Maybe it's another lesson in relativity.

Rogers: I just want what I had

Rogers is sucking all the fun out of my relationship with my phone.

I have been a customer since 1998. NINETEEN NINETY EIGHT. I had to type out the words just so I could put them into caps lock. I don't know why I'm loyal. I'm dumb. It hasn't been such a problem up until about 2 months ago. 

Let me tell you something that Rogers won't believe because it seems impossible: I made a verbal agreement with a customer service agent in 1998 to get call display. It was NEVER put down in writing. It was NEVER on any bill, but I had it. I had this feature on my phone and I got it for free. Just because someone told me they'd add it, and they did, because that's how things were done back then.

Somehow, in the last FOUR phone calls I've had with Rogers, they've removed my call display. It's gone. I was trying to troubleshoot my missing data (that's a different barrel of monkeys) and the agent said, "oh, hang on, let me try something. There's this thing here, I don't know what it is, it's really old, let me remove it. ...okay, does your data work now?"

I don't know if what he removed was my call display. I have no idea because I never saw it in writing anywhere. In any case, after that moment, I stopped getting call display. 

It's all I want, Rogers. I just want call display. I had it until now, and I want it back. 

You'd think getting this thing put back would be easy... but nope. Since my plan is dinosaur-ancient, they can't add ancient plan add-ons to current day plans. That's convenient, right? 

So they can charge me $8 a month for call display. Which is asinine. Ludicrous. Insulting, to be honest. I've been with them since 1998, and they can't just give me free call display? 

EVERY OTHER CARRIER JUST THROWS IT IN THERE. THROW IT IN, ROGERS.

I might as well be asking for a unicorn, it seems. 

It's all I want, Rogers. I just want call display. I had it until now, and I want it back. AND I DON'T WANT TO PAY FOR IT, because I never did! Does that make sense? Yes? So can we get er done? 

Give it back. Stop fighting with me, let this happen. Give me some loyalty. I don't mean give me rewards like the 6 months free magazine subscription that we get annually... I mean something that actually means something to me.

An agent offered to waive the $8 call display fee, for a month. My face did something disgusting, and I now know what burning anger feels like. I've been a customer for SIXTEEN years and you're going to waive $8 off of one month? Oh, oh, thank you. You are too gracious. You are too kind. Let me just turn around and let you put it right there, because you might as well. 

Oh, and yes, I'm stuck in one of those delightful contracts that expires in 2015. It'll cost a ridiculous amount of money to pay out of it early, and I am a cheapass. 

Does anyone know of a way to get this solved? Or switch over to another equally horrible carrier that'll charge me less than $45 a month? If someone can help me do this without spending a horrifying amount of money, I will buy you lunch. A fancy lunch. With little cakes. Or even dinner, if I'm not exhausted after spending additional hours on the phone with Rogers. 

Pet Peeve of the Day: Drivers

When it says 'stay in right lane except to pass,' that's what it means. There's no interpretation. There's no humming and hawing. It says what it means and means what it says.

When there's 4 lanes or more of highway, and everyone in every lane is going at the same speed, I am going to turn petty. I am going to find a way past your inconsiderate and illiterate carbutt, get in front of you, and slow down until you change lanes.

Rant of the Day: Poor Customer Service

I get an email on December 20th, 2013, inviting me to a ceremony. The ceremony is scheduled for January 29th, 2014.

On December 21st, I reply to this email with a few questions. Standard stuff.

No response for weeks.

So I send another email on January 6th, 2014. You know, I gave it around 2 weeks.

Tonight, January 28th, I get an email with a response. Less than 24 hours before the ceremony.
I wish I could say this is the first time I've had a delayed response from this particular person who works at a major University, but it isn't.

This is one of the worst customer service experiences I've ever had, and I worked in customer service for over 3 years. I never took NEARLY SIX WEEKS to reply to someone.

Not that this is a time sensitive subject or anything... it's just about a ceremony... no biggie, right?

Thought of the Day: Women Stray but Don't Cheat

I have a problem. Sometimes, I am not emotionally faithful.

We turn our wedding bands around in dark bars.
We take off our promise rings in crowded rooms.

We flirt with the possibility that maybe, yes, maybe this could happen.
And why should we worry, with such a big safety net?

Girls tempt guys. Some girls. No matter how perfect the relationship, no matter how satisfied and happy and blahblahblah a girl is, some just like to wander.

It isn't unfaithfulness, but it's something close.

So we don't mention we're taken. We leave that off the table. We accept drinks. We flip our hair. We put on extra mascara. Spray perfume in extra special places. Wear the good underwear. Impress guys the way we haven't impressed our own in so long.

And it isn't all girls. But it's some. Their nature is to stray. It's to meander along those blurred lines. Those lines become fences and you can't straddle everything, you know?

So when those propositions happen, as they inevitably do, we don't stop them in their tracks. We could. It's easy. We know it's easy. But we allow them to happen because we will always think 'what if?'

Is that in my blood? More than anything it's an affliction of my mind.

I daydream, and night dream, and fantasize, and wonder, and make up ambitious scenarios involving late night laughter in poor lighting and warm parts under cold bridges. It could be with anyone, really.

So does this mean I'm not actually happy? That I'm looking for someone else? I don't think that's it. In fact, I think I'm wired that way... to always wonder. To be drawn to mystery and the potential of bad things that ruin relationships.

I'm mostly happy. To be honest, I'm happier than most people. But I'm easily bored. And what's really interesting... what's truly the opposite of bored, is the feeling I get when I fantasize that something could happen. Even if it never would.

So I look over past emails, saved MSN chats, Facebook messages, old captured pictures from the webcam days, and reminisce. I fondly remember.

And more than anything, it is just all too flattering that people still want me. It reminds me that in a lengthy relationship, my appeal hasn't just disappeared. Feeling desirable is dangerous. Many women fall prey to this and they find themselves unleashing a barrel of monkeys.

So I feel flattered. I remember these moments in my past and I think, I could have this again if I wanted to. And just that feeling, just that, is enough. I don't need to explore. I don't need to break hearts and actually stray and cause my own unhappiness. My brain is explorative enough.

What if one day it isn't? Would I call it a mistake? What if I don't know the true meaning of a mistake because I've never made a big enough mistake? If I think too long on it I may just reconsider everything I've ever done, and that's too deep for this time of night.

Thought of the Day: Dramatic TV Shows

I used to love drama. I used to constantly watch anything remotely dramatic on TV.

Somehow over the last few years, I've done a 180 spin and landed myself in a position where I can't watch more than one episode of a dramatic TV show.

I used to be able to watch The Walking Dead with fervour.
First few episodes of Breaking Bad? That was excellent stuff.
I'd watch Parenthood with my parents, discussing the different misfortunes that befell the characters.
The Sopranos? Couldn't get enough.

Now, I can't stand it. And I know precisely why. I can't watch dramas because they make me sad. I feel terrible after an episode airs. I feel emotional wrecked. I've gone through the wringer, and my soul is the victim.

Now, in my old age, I seem to gravitate towards shows that make me feel happy after they're over. The Office. Parks and Recreation. Community. Shows that make me laugh and giggle and enjoy the hot chocolate in my hands. Not stare at the screen in surprise and horror regarding whatever main character did to a supporting cast member.

My frail heart can't handle the drama. I have enough drama in my real life, I don't need to see it depicted on screen as well.

This goes for film as well. I used to be able to enjoy a good dramatic film. Now, I would choose a brainless action movie or even comedy (though I think watching comedies in theatres are a waste of money) over a drama.

I think now with my fragile ever-changing emotions, I just need to know what I'm watching will make me feel good about myself, and make me feel like filmmakers and TV producers feel the same way: they also want to make people feel good.

Thought of the Day

I am more and more becoming a crazy cat lady.

I have a song that I sing when I'm feeding Luna. It goes: "Yummy yummy yummy in my tummy tummy tummy." This crazy tune continues until she finishes eating and gives me a head-tilt. She knows the score. She isn't the one that's nuts.

I often misplace things (that comes with owning a cat too, right?) and end up asking her, directly, if she's seen said things. I get another adorable head-tile and sometimes a low hrrm-hrrroo.

It's when I am sleeping that I realize I have truly lost it. I sleep in a twin bed next to a wall. Whenever she crawls under the covers with me, I will literally bend over backwards so my 'little baby' is comfortable. She pulls some cirque-du-soliel shit beside me whilst I'm clinging to the edge hoping I won't fall out.

Finally succumbing to the wiles of my adorable kitty, I settle for the corner of my bed. Any child would be scolded. Any normal animal would be chastised then promptly pushed to the floor. Somehow, in my mind, I have concocted stories of how she will resent me should I punish her.

She's only a year old. Sigh.

Thought of the Day

When it's raining and windy out, no umbrella is going to protect you from sideways-rain. Put that shit down so you don't poke out more eyeballs.

Question of the Day

Where do I see myself in 5 years?

Honestly? I hope in 5 years I'll be on vacation on some tropical island. Sandy beaches. Fruity drinks with ridiculous trinkets hanging off the lip. Flip flops every day. The works. But to be even more honest, I know that I could only be on this perfect vacation because I've worked hard. I've worked 50 weeks a year to earn those 2 weeks of peace and quiet on this quaint little island.

I know nothing comes from nothing, and we live in a meritocracy. I hold onto the belief that we live in a meritocracy, at least. I know I'll have to work diligently, consistently, with perseverance. I'll lose patience sometimes, I'll hate it most times, but that doesn't change my motivation. 

I will toil, sow, struggle, and reap the rewards of that tropical vacation. 

Not a perfect answer. I know that. I should say I want to be a VP of some major company. But since we're still being honest, I'm not that type of person. I'm not a type-A personality, I don't feel comfortable in a position of too much power. I don't want to rule the world or become queen or be a pioneer in any major way. I want to be the person behind the scenes, making a difference in small ways that add up to a big finale. The one in the background that gets a little recognition, but never the flashing lights and fame. 

I'm quiet, I'm easy-going. I don't have the overwhelming ambition or drive to become a CEO. But I have ambition enough to work hard, advance myself slowly with good consistent works and a positive attitude. 

Well. Most days. No one can be happy and go-lucky every single day of their lives. But I can do my best. 

Getting back into the hang of things

Getting back into blogging is strange. Once you get into a habit of things, they become just that. Routine. Comfortable. Honestly I didn't want to blog because I felt like I had to churn something out every day. It got the point where I was blogging every day and it became contrived.

So I stopped. For months. It felt wonderful.

I always intended to go back to blogging, and perhaps I intended to return shortly after a break. But you know how it is... the longer a break continues, it just feels harder to STOP being on a break. And every time I glanced over at Blogger sitting there, staring at me with its odd uneven orange eyes... it got harder and harder to return.

I didn't have much to say for a while, and there were personal things going on. I had other 'priorities,' and I convinced myself that these were 'real-life priorities,' not 'play-time' things. This, I still hold onto. I believe that blogging is a cathartic process, in no one integral to my life or necessary for my survival.

However, I missed it. I miss putting words to a page and seeing them appear. I missed my consciousness splattered in letters.

Then, the other week, several nice things happened all at once that kind of gave me a push. I found a lost sweater that had been missing for months. To be precise, it went missing right after Christmas. It's August. So yes, it has been a long time. My OCD dictates that I cannot let these little things go... I never lose things. Never. I was convinced my kitten took it and pulled it into a secret nest. My mother told me to let it go. My boyfriend tried buying me a replacement sweater. One night, Luna was trying to sneak into my dresser again. Then it occurred to me... what if it was pulled behind, AND UNDER my drawer? Lo and behold, it was there. Luna, in all her sneakiness, was trying to play with it again. Cats are weird... play with a toy non stop for days, then forget it about it for months to rediscover it.

My mom got a new job. Her old job had been weighing her down for the last two years, and she decided it was time. Pretty much after her old partner (they had worked together for nearly 12 years or something like that?) retired, they had been putting her with replacements that didn't really meld with her personality. She works at a preschool, so having a compatible workmate is crucial. So she finally retired from that school, and got a new job. The major perk is that it is fewer hours, and about a 2 minute drive from home.

I finished my last course in my program. It's been 3 years. It was supposed to take 1.5 years. I am over the moon happy, and it is a huge weight off my shoulders. It has been stressful and testing and trying, but I am done!

So all these things kind of motivated me to get back into blogging. About anything I bloody want. I go online job-searching and people want to see blogs about finances and self-improvement and discovery, but honestly... I want to write what I want to write about. I don't blog to get a job. I blog to get things off my mind. Half the time it isn't coherent or well-written, but it's 100% mine and 100% honest.

So here we go again!

Pet Peeve of the Day

When I complain that Vancouver is too cold and rainy to dress summery, but when it starts to warm up I don't dress like it's warm.

Guess I can always find SOMETHING to complain about.

See, I have a lot of summer clothes. A ton. Too many. I know I have too many. I buy lots when it is summertime because I love them. So I like wearing them. I can't wear them 9 months of the year because usually it is too darn cold.

Vancouver is a place where it is actually practical to use the hood on your hoodie. Not for style. Substance.

But for whatever reason when it finally gets warm enough to change into sandals and shorts, I don't. I wear black outfits for the first 2 weeks that it's nice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I'm not convinced that it'll stay nice... almost as if the weather is fooling me.

Sometimes it does fool me and it rains the very next day. But I guess so I don't look like I'm off to a funeral, I'll start wearing some of my hoard of summery clothes.

Pet Peeve of the Day

I find most juice too sweet.

I dilute almost every beverage with water. I don't know if I'm the only one that does this, but I know I'm more the exception than the rule.

Most orange juice out of the carton makes me cringe with how sugary it tastes to me. I leave 3 inches from the top of the glass and fill 2 of those inches with water.

Apple juice, same thing.
Cranberry? Get that water in there.

Are my taste buds broken? Am I hypersensitive to tastes? I feel the same way with chips: that they are too salty. I want to rinse chips off because they have too much salt!

I guess it's better for me that I consume more water and fewer saltier things. That's my rationale for how weird I am.

Pet Peeve of the Day

People's houses that smell funny.

Not funny, I guess. But when they smell like food. My family is Chinese. This means a lot of strong cooking with stinky ingredients. My house hasn't ever really smelled Chinese.

There isn't a secret. There isn't some conspiracy. It involves opening windows and turning on the exhaust fan above our stove.

We rent out our basement, have for years. A few of our past tenants are strange. They don't open the window even a crack when they cook. They don't turn on any fans. Then they complain that their clothes smell like pasta, burgers, meat, whatever.

HMM. SUCH A MYSTERY.

Review: Tresemmé Keratin Smooth Shampoo

I don't usually go mental over shampoos. I usually buy 3-4 bottles once there's a sale. I like stocking up on things when they're a bargain.

Now, my old bottle of Tresemmé has been around for years. I am not exaggerating. It was one of those massive 1.17L bottles with the pump. It was a gargantuan bottle of product, and I used it all up.

I actually really liked that bottle. In the years that I was using that product, Tresemmé has completely revamped and repackaged their shampoos. They don't look quite the same anymore!

Since I finished my old bottle that I really liked, I figured I would try another bottle of Tresemmé. But this time I wouldn't commit to a huge bottle because I didn't want to use the same shampoo for years. I wanted some more variety.

...Granted, I usually have 3-4 bottles of shampoo and 1-2 bottles of conditioner in my shower at all times, just to keep myself on my toes.

So I saw that Tresemmé was on sale at the store, and decided to try their relatively new Keratin Smooth Shampoo. I hadn't read any reviews, I had no idea if it'd be incredible or just okay.

It turns out that I noticed a very nice and semi-noticeable difference to my hair. When I say semi-noticeable, I mean that when I asked my friends if they noticed anything different about me, some of them said no, and a few of them said my hair looked less frizzy.

That's good enough for me!

Plus, I love the scent and it washes out very clean. One other thing I've always liked about Tresemmé is that it's one of the few brands that doesn't give me dandruff if I don't use conditioner. I know that's kind of bizarre, but I find with some brands if I forgo the conditioner, my scalp gets flaky and very dry. But I'm lazy! I don't want to always use conditioner! So I like finding a shampoo that's moisturizing enough as it is.

Yay! New shampoo!

Pet Peeve of the Day

Whatever happened to mother's teaching their kids to say PLEASE and THANK YOU?

My parents always emphasized to express my appreciation to everyone. I was invited to your birthday party? Thanks for inviting me. I hosted a birthday party? Thank you for coming.

A snooty person gives me terrible service? Thank you, have a nice day!

Some of my thankless friends ask me why I thank anyone when they've been rude to me. Well, for several reasons.

1. I think it's better to fight rudeness with kindness.
2. I set a good example to those around me.
3. Someone's bad attitude isn't going to affect me, or how I want to present myself.

Someone bumps me in the street? Maybe it's just my Canadian side but I'll say Sorry. I hold doors open for people. I was raised to do that. I line up at bus stops and everywhere else.

I'm sad to see this is becoming a rarity. I'm hoping that my generation grows so indignant at where things are headed that we all scold our children into behaving like good citizens.

Thank you. 

Pet Peeve of the Day

Being reminded that I'm growing older.

I tutor high school aged kids. And they didn't realize the Titanic was actually ship and actually sunk. They thought it was just a movie.

Now that Jurassic Park 3D is coming out, they thought it was a brand new release and said it was crappy for the CGI. Well, no shit. It came out in 1993. You weren't even born, youngin.

More than anything I realize this will happen more and more. Media is so oversaturated, that it's impossible to tell what's what.

But seriously though. The Titanic did happen. It did sink. Leonardo Dicaprio wasn't on the ship.

Pet Peeve of the Day

Children chanting.

Or singing. Or reciting anything in unison.

Am I the only one? In songs where they use children as backup harmony I get chills. The bad type of chills where I feel like my soul is being sucked from my body. In movies children freak me out too. They're usually the possessed ones.

Yes, their voices are beautiful. Almost too perfect. They seem too clean, too precise, too angelic. Almost like demonic angels are coming for my eyeballs.

Thought of the Day

I can bullshit better than most people can bullshit.

This may be a great thing. More likely it's manipulative and shows weakness of character. But when it comes to sucking up (which I'm learning the real-world is ALL about), bullshit is key.

Rant of the Day

I think technology has become a substitution for real human interaction. Maybe for some people that's a good thing, for others it feels like the end is coming.

All I know is that I feel sad when I walk down the street and most people have earphones in, fingers texting away on a screen, and eyes not on their surroundings but on their friends' latest updates...

Rant of the Day

There's a glitch on iPhones.

It's a known glitch. That hasn't yet been fixed. It's infuriating.

Basically, users try to text message. Your iPhone freezes and jumps back to your home screen. You try to go back into messages to try again, but it freezes and hops back to the home screen. You can keep trying forever but you'll be popped back to the home screen.
So you do the obvious thing. You restart your phone. Turn it off, wait a bit... turn it back on.

Yes, the text messages work again... but your contacts are gone. So good luck texting someone if you don't know who is associated with all these seemingly random numbers now on your screen.

Now, I back my shit up. Not because I am paranoid, but because once (long ago) iTunes asked me if I wanted to backup my information to the computer and I must have clicked yes. Apparently there are plenty of users who haven't backed up their iPhones ever. This includes my mom, and many of my friends.

Thankfully I had a backup. But the backup was from February. It means I'll get my information back, but my phone will magically go back in time to February.

I lost a lot of patience and a few new contacts between then and now, and a few pictures... I'm very happy that I was able to retrieve my information.

I just wish I didn't have to go through all that trouble to get something back that I should never have lost.