Poetry of the Day

Every yawn is a sign.
Every cynical or snide remark is a road map away from here.
Everything is another new tick at my temple.

And I'm so easily bored.
Where's my grand adventure? You said we'd be there by now.
Every sigh brings me closer to an edge, because edges lead somewhere new and new is exciting and exciting is the opposite of this.

Standing on this edge, the bottom is so far away. And what does 'hitting rock bottom' mean, anyway? To us, nothing. Maybe it's another lesson in relativity.

Poetry of the Day

Take me to school, I'll study like an A student in the room of your life.
I'll tell you every lesson I've learned, and you can fan the flames.
Give me a free lesson, mister I'll give you my time.

Poetry of the Day

Win, win, win, loose, loose.
Running around some stranger's apartment, pretending we know each other enough to make this okay.
He blocks my exit with his attitude.
Is Saturday the night to stay?
If awards were handed out for proper posture, I'd be the golden goose.
What look is the final blessing?

Poetry of the Day

The lights are dimmed, the candle wax pools on his bedside table. 

Those three sacred words escape his lips, and I sigh. I exhaust those three sentimental words for everything, I think. I say I love my friends, I say I love my mother, I say I love his hair, I say I love the colour green. I obliterate meaning in its repetition. 

So instead I replace the sentiment with the truth. “I want you.” And it seems, from his reaction, that he can’t tell the difference. Or, worse, or maybe better, that to him it doesn’t matter.

Pet Peeve of the Day: Drivers

When it says 'stay in right lane except to pass,' that's what it means. There's no interpretation. There's no humming and hawing. It says what it means and means what it says.

When there's 4 lanes or more of highway, and everyone in every lane is going at the same speed, I am going to turn petty. I am going to find a way past your inconsiderate and illiterate carbutt, get in front of you, and slow down until you change lanes.

Rant of the Day: Poor Customer Service

I get an email on December 20th, 2013, inviting me to a ceremony. The ceremony is scheduled for January 29th, 2014.

On December 21st, I reply to this email with a few questions. Standard stuff.

No response for weeks.

So I send another email on January 6th, 2014. You know, I gave it around 2 weeks.

Tonight, January 28th, I get an email with a response. Less than 24 hours before the ceremony.
I wish I could say this is the first time I've had a delayed response from this particular person who works at a major University, but it isn't.

This is one of the worst customer service experiences I've ever had, and I worked in customer service for over 3 years. I never took NEARLY SIX WEEKS to reply to someone.

Not that this is a time sensitive subject or anything... it's just about a ceremony... no biggie, right?

Thought of the Day: Women Stray but Don't Cheat

I have a problem. Sometimes, I am not emotionally faithful.

We turn our wedding bands around in dark bars.
We take off our promise rings in crowded rooms.

We flirt with the possibility that maybe, yes, maybe this could happen.
And why should we worry, with such a big safety net?

Girls tempt guys. Some girls. No matter how perfect the relationship, no matter how satisfied and happy and blahblahblah a girl is, some just like to wander.

It isn't unfaithfulness, but it's something close.

So we don't mention we're taken. We leave that off the table. We accept drinks. We flip our hair. We put on extra mascara. Spray perfume in extra special places. Wear the good underwear. Impress guys the way we haven't impressed our own in so long.

And it isn't all girls. But it's some. Their nature is to stray. It's to meander along those blurred lines. Those lines become fences and you can't straddle everything, you know?

So when those propositions happen, as they inevitably do, we don't stop them in their tracks. We could. It's easy. We know it's easy. But we allow them to happen because we will always think 'what if?'

Is that in my blood? More than anything it's an affliction of my mind.

I daydream, and night dream, and fantasize, and wonder, and make up ambitious scenarios involving late night laughter in poor lighting and warm parts under cold bridges. It could be with anyone, really.

So does this mean I'm not actually happy? That I'm looking for someone else? I don't think that's it. In fact, I think I'm wired that way... to always wonder. To be drawn to mystery and the potential of bad things that ruin relationships.

I'm mostly happy. To be honest, I'm happier than most people. But I'm easily bored. And what's really interesting... what's truly the opposite of bored, is the feeling I get when I fantasize that something could happen. Even if it never would.

So I look over past emails, saved MSN chats, Facebook messages, old captured pictures from the webcam days, and reminisce. I fondly remember.

And more than anything, it is just all too flattering that people still want me. It reminds me that in a lengthy relationship, my appeal hasn't just disappeared. Feeling desirable is dangerous. Many women fall prey to this and they find themselves unleashing a barrel of monkeys.

So I feel flattered. I remember these moments in my past and I think, I could have this again if I wanted to. And just that feeling, just that, is enough. I don't need to explore. I don't need to break hearts and actually stray and cause my own unhappiness. My brain is explorative enough.

What if one day it isn't? Would I call it a mistake? What if I don't know the true meaning of a mistake because I've never made a big enough mistake? If I think too long on it I may just reconsider everything I've ever done, and that's too deep for this time of night.

Why are vets so expensive?

I just spent $50 on eye ointment. It's a 10g tube.

How am I paying $5 for a gram of product. How.

I blame it on my cat's cuteness. She is overwhelmingly adorable. I look at her eyes, see them watering, and somehow suck it up and pay this ridiculous fee.

Not to mention it costs $60 each visit as a consultation fee. This only involves them checking her weight and teeth.

Then 'to be safe' they did the corneal scan. $40.

Feeling much poorer, you'd think I'd feel better when I applied this ointment to my baby's eye and she got all better. But you see the vet gave me the ointment, not the eye drops. I didn't think there was a huge difference at the time, but I am an idiot.

Drops can be dropped from a distance. Say, one claw swipe away. Ointment needs to be applied about 3cm away from the eye. This involves having to force her eye open while trying to squeeze this finicky (and minuscule) tube with my other hand.

Somehow this ointment is the stickiest shit on the planet. It curls around the applicator tip, and slides right off her eye. Thanks.

By the way, you should see the bandaids all over my hands. Because no one wants someone messing with their eyeballs!

So I suck it up. I go back. And it's another $60 consult. And they tell me the drops are MORE expensive. More expensive than $5 a gram? YES.

My wallet is crying.

Thought of the Day: Losing my Superpowers

"Oh, that stuff never happens to me."

That's one of the most common things I say. Because it was, at one point in time, true.

You get the hiccups? I get the hiccups once every year or two.
Sickness? Like real bed-ridden look-miserable sickness? Once every few years.
I haven't fallen down in my adult life.
I've never had anything in a microwave explode on me.
I haven't burned myself in recent memory.
I have only dropped my phone (my old phone from 4 years ago) once.
I cannot remember the last thing I dropped something and it broke.
I cannot remember losing anything. Once I thought I lost my sweater, but it turned out that my cat had pushed it behind my dresser. I found it months later and rejoiced.
I don't misplace my keys. I seldom leave the house having forgotten something inside.

I fell on a man once, on a bus... this was 6 years ago.

I found it to be my superpower. I don't experience those mind-numbingly boring little life quirks that most people do. I don't even get splinters! Papercuts, I do get. I don't think anyone is immune to that hell.

I've never put clothes in the wash that still have something in a pocket.

Once I dropped my sunglasses in the toilet. So there's that.

But today, I realize I am losing my superpowers. In the same week as my microwave finally dies (after 26 faithful years of service), my iPhone craps out.

To be specific, it still works. But I cannot connect to a network. I can make calls, text, and surf the internet and use apps whilst on Wifi... but if there's no Wifi, I can't connect to the internet.

This is the beginning to my downfall. I can see it now. Next week I'll slip in the rain. The following month maybe I'll step on something and break it. Who knows, maybe I'll even leave my headlights on. Anything is possible now. I'm becoming normal.

Thought of the Day: Dramatic TV Shows

I used to love drama. I used to constantly watch anything remotely dramatic on TV.

Somehow over the last few years, I've done a 180 spin and landed myself in a position where I can't watch more than one episode of a dramatic TV show.

I used to be able to watch The Walking Dead with fervour.
First few episodes of Breaking Bad? That was excellent stuff.
I'd watch Parenthood with my parents, discussing the different misfortunes that befell the characters.
The Sopranos? Couldn't get enough.

Now, I can't stand it. And I know precisely why. I can't watch dramas because they make me sad. I feel terrible after an episode airs. I feel emotional wrecked. I've gone through the wringer, and my soul is the victim.

Now, in my old age, I seem to gravitate towards shows that make me feel happy after they're over. The Office. Parks and Recreation. Community. Shows that make me laugh and giggle and enjoy the hot chocolate in my hands. Not stare at the screen in surprise and horror regarding whatever main character did to a supporting cast member.

My frail heart can't handle the drama. I have enough drama in my real life, I don't need to see it depicted on screen as well.

This goes for film as well. I used to be able to enjoy a good dramatic film. Now, I would choose a brainless action movie or even comedy (though I think watching comedies in theatres are a waste of money) over a drama.

I think now with my fragile ever-changing emotions, I just need to know what I'm watching will make me feel good about myself, and make me feel like filmmakers and TV producers feel the same way: they also want to make people feel good.

Thought of the Day

Doctors who think putting something into someone's eye is easy, are morons.

Specifically, my vet thinks putting ointment into Luna's eye THREE times a day, is easy.

There are a few obstacles that I have encountered.

• She has claws and doesn't mind using them on me
• She has teeth and doesn't mind using them on me
• She has these sad questioning eyes that make me feel like the betrayer of all her trust
• She makes this sad hrrmmmhmmm noises
• The stupid ointment applicator tube is impossible to unscrew with one hand
• The dumb ointment applicator tube squeezes out either too much product, or not enough
• The idiotic ointment comes out in a swirl, as opposed to a line of product that is impossible to apply
• She has claws and doesn't mind using them on me

In addition to these things, I am on my own in trying to hold her down and apply this ghastly stuff. I've gotten some on me, it stinks. I'm sure it stings her, makes her vision blurry, and shakes her faith in humankind. 

No one can help me. I have to somehow wedge her adorable little body between me and the floor, use one hand to force her eye open, and the other to somehow unscrew the tube, keep the tip from getting contaminated (so it can't touch ANYTHING), then squeeze it quickly into her eye before she realizes what's happening, jumps up, bites me, attacks, whatever. 

Three times a day? Yes, Miss Vet, sure. That'll happen. With all the trust I'm breaking, you're lucky I get one full application in there. 

Then I take a look at my poor kitty, see her eye weepy, and fear her eyeball will just explode. So I suck it up. I try my best. I wear my battle wounds with pride. 

Poem of the Day

You fired the gun.
I smelled the shots and counted the holes.
We examined the evidence under dim lights.
Trying to see.
You never write anything down on your notepad.

Thought of the Day

When it's raining and windy out, no umbrella is going to protect you from sideways-rain. Put that shit down so you don't poke out more eyeballs.

Things I've Learned

Sometimes a hug is better than a 'how are you doing, is everything okay?'
And on that note, sometimes silence is golden.

Always finish what you've started.

Talking it out > going to sleep angry.

When you're old and grey, you won't remember the nights you got a really awesome sleep. Go out and enjoy life.

Fish are the most boring pet to own.

Everything living, dies. This is independent of the care you provide.

Print out pictures. Having something tangible to show others is a lot more intimate than clicking through photos on Facebook.

Eat your vegetables.

Fruit is nature's candy.

Even if it's hard, and it's dark, and it's rainy, and everything is better inside your cocoon of warmth, get out of bed in the morning.

Honesty is NOT always the best policy.

Question of the Day

Where do I see myself in 5 years?

Honestly? I hope in 5 years I'll be on vacation on some tropical island. Sandy beaches. Fruity drinks with ridiculous trinkets hanging off the lip. Flip flops every day. The works. But to be even more honest, I know that I could only be on this perfect vacation because I've worked hard. I've worked 50 weeks a year to earn those 2 weeks of peace and quiet on this quaint little island.

I know nothing comes from nothing, and we live in a meritocracy. I hold onto the belief that we live in a meritocracy, at least. I know I'll have to work diligently, consistently, with perseverance. I'll lose patience sometimes, I'll hate it most times, but that doesn't change my motivation. 

I will toil, sow, struggle, and reap the rewards of that tropical vacation. 

Not a perfect answer. I know that. I should say I want to be a VP of some major company. But since we're still being honest, I'm not that type of person. I'm not a type-A personality, I don't feel comfortable in a position of too much power. I don't want to rule the world or become queen or be a pioneer in any major way. I want to be the person behind the scenes, making a difference in small ways that add up to a big finale. The one in the background that gets a little recognition, but never the flashing lights and fame. 

I'm quiet, I'm easy-going. I don't have the overwhelming ambition or drive to become a CEO. But I have ambition enough to work hard, advance myself slowly with good consistent works and a positive attitude. 

Well. Most days. No one can be happy and go-lucky every single day of their lives. But I can do my best. 

Pet Peeve of the Day

When I complain that Vancouver is too cold and rainy to dress summery, but when it starts to warm up I don't dress like it's warm.

Guess I can always find SOMETHING to complain about.

See, I have a lot of summer clothes. A ton. Too many. I know I have too many. I buy lots when it is summertime because I love them. So I like wearing them. I can't wear them 9 months of the year because usually it is too darn cold.

Vancouver is a place where it is actually practical to use the hood on your hoodie. Not for style. Substance.

But for whatever reason when it finally gets warm enough to change into sandals and shorts, I don't. I wear black outfits for the first 2 weeks that it's nice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. It's like I'm not convinced that it'll stay nice... almost as if the weather is fooling me.

Sometimes it does fool me and it rains the very next day. But I guess so I don't look like I'm off to a funeral, I'll start wearing some of my hoard of summery clothes.

Pet Peeve of the Day

I find most juice too sweet.

I dilute almost every beverage with water. I don't know if I'm the only one that does this, but I know I'm more the exception than the rule.

Most orange juice out of the carton makes me cringe with how sugary it tastes to me. I leave 3 inches from the top of the glass and fill 2 of those inches with water.

Apple juice, same thing.
Cranberry? Get that water in there.

Are my taste buds broken? Am I hypersensitive to tastes? I feel the same way with chips: that they are too salty. I want to rinse chips off because they have too much salt!

I guess it's better for me that I consume more water and fewer saltier things. That's my rationale for how weird I am.

Pet Peeve of the Day

People's houses that smell funny.

Not funny, I guess. But when they smell like food. My family is Chinese. This means a lot of strong cooking with stinky ingredients. My house hasn't ever really smelled Chinese.

There isn't a secret. There isn't some conspiracy. It involves opening windows and turning on the exhaust fan above our stove.

We rent out our basement, have for years. A few of our past tenants are strange. They don't open the window even a crack when they cook. They don't turn on any fans. Then they complain that their clothes smell like pasta, burgers, meat, whatever.

HMM. SUCH A MYSTERY.

Poetry of the Day

Furball yawns in my face.
If it fits, she sits.
She sleeps where she wants, poops all day long.
Curls up in a ball, twitches herself to sleep.

Such a spaz. Runs from everything.
Bolts at the slightest noise.
Such a spaz.

But she rolls around, makes tinny little meows.
Licks my hand.
I can't resist.

Pet Peeve of the Day

Whatever happened to mother's teaching their kids to say PLEASE and THANK YOU?

My parents always emphasized to express my appreciation to everyone. I was invited to your birthday party? Thanks for inviting me. I hosted a birthday party? Thank you for coming.

A snooty person gives me terrible service? Thank you, have a nice day!

Some of my thankless friends ask me why I thank anyone when they've been rude to me. Well, for several reasons.

1. I think it's better to fight rudeness with kindness.
2. I set a good example to those around me.
3. Someone's bad attitude isn't going to affect me, or how I want to present myself.

Someone bumps me in the street? Maybe it's just my Canadian side but I'll say Sorry. I hold doors open for people. I was raised to do that. I line up at bus stops and everywhere else.

I'm sad to see this is becoming a rarity. I'm hoping that my generation grows so indignant at where things are headed that we all scold our children into behaving like good citizens.

Thank you.