"Oh, that stuff never happens to me."
That's one of the most common things I say. Because it was, at one point in time, true.
You get the hiccups? I get the hiccups once every year or two.
Sickness? Like real bed-ridden look-miserable sickness? Once every few years.
I haven't fallen down in my adult life.
I've never had anything in a microwave explode on me.
I haven't burned myself in recent memory.
I have only dropped my phone (my old phone from 4 years ago) once.
I cannot remember the last thing I dropped something and it broke.
I cannot remember losing anything. Once I thought I lost my sweater, but it turned out that my cat had pushed it behind my dresser. I found it months later and rejoiced.
I don't misplace my keys. I seldom leave the house having forgotten something inside.
I fell on a man once, on a bus... this was 6 years ago.
I found it to be my superpower. I don't experience those mind-numbingly boring little life quirks that most people do. I don't even get splinters! Papercuts, I do get. I don't think anyone is immune to that hell.
I've never put clothes in the wash that still have something in a pocket.
Once I dropped my sunglasses in the toilet. So there's that.
But today, I realize I am losing my superpowers. In the same week as my microwave finally dies (after 26 faithful years of service), my iPhone craps out.
To be specific, it still works. But I cannot connect to a network. I can make calls, text, and surf the internet and use apps whilst on Wifi... but if there's no Wifi, I can't connect to the internet.
This is the beginning to my downfall. I can see it now. Next week I'll slip in the rain. The following month maybe I'll step on something and break it. Who knows, maybe I'll even leave my headlights on. Anything is possible now. I'm becoming normal.
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