Thought of the Day: Women Stray but Don't Cheat

I have a problem. Sometimes, I am not emotionally faithful.

We turn our wedding bands around in dark bars.
We take off our promise rings in crowded rooms.

We flirt with the possibility that maybe, yes, maybe this could happen.
And why should we worry, with such a big safety net?

Girls tempt guys. Some girls. No matter how perfect the relationship, no matter how satisfied and happy and blahblahblah a girl is, some just like to wander.

It isn't unfaithfulness, but it's something close.

So we don't mention we're taken. We leave that off the table. We accept drinks. We flip our hair. We put on extra mascara. Spray perfume in extra special places. Wear the good underwear. Impress guys the way we haven't impressed our own in so long.

And it isn't all girls. But it's some. Their nature is to stray. It's to meander along those blurred lines. Those lines become fences and you can't straddle everything, you know?

So when those propositions happen, as they inevitably do, we don't stop them in their tracks. We could. It's easy. We know it's easy. But we allow them to happen because we will always think 'what if?'

Is that in my blood? More than anything it's an affliction of my mind.

I daydream, and night dream, and fantasize, and wonder, and make up ambitious scenarios involving late night laughter in poor lighting and warm parts under cold bridges. It could be with anyone, really.

So does this mean I'm not actually happy? That I'm looking for someone else? I don't think that's it. In fact, I think I'm wired that way... to always wonder. To be drawn to mystery and the potential of bad things that ruin relationships.

I'm mostly happy. To be honest, I'm happier than most people. But I'm easily bored. And what's really interesting... what's truly the opposite of bored, is the feeling I get when I fantasize that something could happen. Even if it never would.

So I look over past emails, saved MSN chats, Facebook messages, old captured pictures from the webcam days, and reminisce. I fondly remember.

And more than anything, it is just all too flattering that people still want me. It reminds me that in a lengthy relationship, my appeal hasn't just disappeared. Feeling desirable is dangerous. Many women fall prey to this and they find themselves unleashing a barrel of monkeys.

So I feel flattered. I remember these moments in my past and I think, I could have this again if I wanted to. And just that feeling, just that, is enough. I don't need to explore. I don't need to break hearts and actually stray and cause my own unhappiness. My brain is explorative enough.

What if one day it isn't? Would I call it a mistake? What if I don't know the true meaning of a mistake because I've never made a big enough mistake? If I think too long on it I may just reconsider everything I've ever done, and that's too deep for this time of night.