Rant of the Day

Not being able to smile in your passport pictures.

Who decided this? I go back through all my old passports (of me when I was around 5, 10, then 15, then suddenly when I was 20 I didn't smile anymore) the older ones all depict a happy smiling girl. Suddenly in one of my passports I'm staring daggers at the camera.

The government of Canada claims that having a neutral expression is important for face-detection software. This very futuristic software can calculate angles and sizes of facial features, but has trouble with smiles.

Most people (myself included) look scary and mad when I'm not smiling. I'd like to think I have a transformation whenever I smile. My smile is definitely more distinctive and easier to point out in a crowd than my 'neutral-face.'

But not only can one not smile, but one cannot have parted lips. Not even a sliver of space between your bottom and top teeth. What about for people with braces? I have a head cold and can't breathe through my nose today, do I have to wait to get my photo taken?

By the way, your eyes must be all the way open.

Hair must be tucked behind your ears so your ears are fully visible. Uhm. My ears are tiny and flat against my face. Good luck with that.

No hair obscuring the face. I'm a little fuzzy on what that might mean. How much obscured? Are bangs considered obstructive? I had braids in my hair one year and they told me to take them out. Take out braids? I don't know why. They never gave me a reason... just the ominous 'then whoever's looking at your passport might not accept it.'

Well FINE I guess I'll jump through all these hoops. But then there are issues with lighting, shadows, head sizing, shoulders being perpendicular with my lower jawline, and the amount of shine coming off my nose.

And I'm paying money for the stiffest, most boring, angriest looking picture of my life. It isn't cheap either, considering you need a new passport every 5 years. Actually, it's really 4.5 years because you need your passport to be valid for 6 MONTHS after the intended date of return travel.

I'd like a discount for that half a year please. Also for having to take out my braids. Those took time. Oh yeah they told me once I shouldn't wear a rainbow striped shirt as it doesn't translate well on camera so they offered me a cardigan to cover the tops of my shoulders.

Thanks. At least they offered and didn't just usher me straight into an interrogation room, I guess.